When I was a college student, I was hit by depression from more than one direction. I was over 2,000 miles from home. I was the oldest of four siblings and until I left for college I had had significant responsibility for the daily routine of my two youngest siblings. When I left home for school, not only was my personal routine seriously disrupted, but also my family’s routine at home was seriously disrupted. My parents had a rocky relationship and the “D” word was often brought up in front of my younger siblings. For most of my college years my father was laid off from his long-time employer. My mother suffered from a serious thyroid condition and for monetary reasons was not taking her medicine. Reports from my siblings at home about threats of suicide and heated arguments prompted me to phone home as often as I could afford to do so. However, as a first generation four year college student on a full-ride scholarship from a low income family, I couldn’t afford to fly home and make things better. I could only phone home and try to listen, speak encouragement and pray.

At the same time that all this was going on at home, I was very lonely at school. As a freshman I didn’t realize that campus shut down for the holidays and I was brought to tears when I realized I had nowhere to go for Thanksgiving. My roommate was only hours from home but she didn’t like me. She had hoped for an affluent roommate who could afford to invite her home for the holidays. Needless to say I was a big disappointment to her. Thankfully, another classmate took pity on me and invited me home with her and I had a lovely and restful week with her family.

Not only was my mom highly depressed during my college years, but through my four years at college as I walked through campus there were times when I thought of dying and even had specific ideas of how that could happen. Prior to college I had never had suicidal thoughts. At home I had had a place I could go (a hogsback or big hill behind my house that I could climb up) and from there I could either scream out loud with no one to hear me or just sit and let the wind blow as I looked down at my house, my high school and the town where I lived and worked. Getting that perspective from on high served to calm me and help me put the issues in my life in proper perspective. At school I had nowhere where I felt I could safely get away from people. While I was doing well in my classes, I often had thoughts that the school had made a mistake, I thought I wasn’t really good enough to be there.

Thankfully, I found friends who could sympathize with my depression and loneliness. Many of these friends were students from other countries – some of whom pointed out that I was actually further from home than they were. One friend my freshman year was an upper class student who had a severe eating disorder. Her own struggles had caused her to be very observant and perceptive and she picked up on some of my behaviors as indicating depression. She took me aside and expressed her concern and just that simple conversation helped me feel I wasn’t as alone as I thought.

Now as a mother of three daughters, I am happy to report that so far none of my daughters have exhibited depression behaviors and yet they have each had friends who did. Each time a friend has confided suicidal thoughts to one of my daughters, I have encouraged that daughter to seek out one adult who that friend trusted and I have supported my daughter in contacting that adult to ask for help in addressing the situation. Each time the friend at first was angry over what she perceived as a breach in confidentiality, but then as that one trustworthy adult actually helped implement an intervention within a few days the friend was thankful that my daughter cared enough to enlist help.

From experience, I know that depression, especially in the form of suicidal thoughts, is serious, and usually requires the help of professionals to get safely beyond. Because I know struggles happen even in healthy families, I encourage people to use the resources that are available to them and I am happy to recommend resources like www.studentassistanceplan.com. I subscribe to this service for my daughters because it is an affordable support system for students who don’t have a hogsback to climb or a friend who’s been there to help when help is needed. The peace of mind is well worth the low monthly expense.