One of the first things I did after becoming a single mom was to attend a parenting seminar put on by Jim Fay.  The first line from Fay’s mouth that night may have made folks wonder.

“If you are really good parents,” he told his audience, “you will go home tonight and pray your kids make a lot of mistakes.”  The gasp from the entire group could be felt as well as heard.  “Seriously,” he continued, “you want your kids to make mistakes and learn accountability and consequences from them when the kids are still young enough the consequences aren’t injurious or fatal.”

Teaching kids to be able to look past what’s in front of them to see the bigger picture is no doubt one of the hardest jobs a parent has.  If one is successful, the result is having kids with enough judgment to make good choices, an important attribute given the kinds of temptations that face college students.

Fay’s own example of a failure as a parent involved a young man, a friend of his son’s, of whom he thought a great deal.  When he became aware the two young friends were beginning to become less close, he continued to urge his son to mend the differences and regain the friendship.  He actually became frustrated when that didn’t happen.  Then one night, a terrible accident claimed the life of his son’s buddy, and that’s when Fay learned his son had pulled away because of the friend’s growing alcohol problem.  He felt he had failed because after teaching his son to be responsible, he allowed himself to question the judgment he had worked so hard to instill.

Sooner than later, your child will sever the ties that have held him/her under your influence.  That process may or may not be sudden, so if it’s slow, you make get a second chance if you see decisions that are less than wise.  But start early.  Since you can’t possibly address every situation one can encounter in life, teaching your child to see the entire picture is one of the most valuable strategies your child can be taught.